I wrote this several years ago for some friends. In honor of fun holidays I thought I would post it here for all to enjoy today.
Floatilla® sweeping THE SUNSET COAST
Monday July 17, 2006
report filed by: the Renter
We caught up with the Masterminds at the celebration honoring their invention
The newest summertime sensation sweeping Michigan’s sunset coast is known simply as – the Floatilla®. From locations as far away as New Buffalo to Ludington, surprised onlookers have been overheard exclaiming, “dear god, what is that thing?”
Lead Mastermind behind the Floatilla® is the padawan learner of Chief Makes it Up as He Goes Along of the Palisades Squirrel Hill tribe. “It’s really a very simple concept,” said the Padawan of his ingenious design. “We needed a floating city and this is what we developed. The timing and the market were right for just such an invention.” With temperatures approaching the one hundred degree mark inland today, floating on the water is the only place to be. And with the creative design of the Floatilla®, there is little reason to visit the shore.
What exactly is the Floatilla®? According to witnesses, the Floatilla® is a covey of interconnected floating rafts, encircled by ropes which allow each to be tied off to a pier or other stationary object. The Floatilla® masterminds used mini carbiner clips to attach the floaties to one another, allowing each user to attach or disconnect at will. The clips also serve to ensure that no one will wander into uncharted water, or too close to the unusually warm waters near the nuclear power plant. “There’s always a concern that someone might float too close to the power plant, and come back glowing or unable to bear children. Nobody wanted that.” The attached anchor ensures that the entire floating city will remain where it is intended.
While Chief Makes it Up was not present for the Floatilla’s® maiden voyage, he is nonetheless extremely proud of his Padawan’s accomplishments. “I knew he had it in him all along. I can’t wait to see what he comes up with next.”
All of this floating is nice, but really what’s floating in the lake if you can’t enjoy a nice cool beverage? What makes the Floatilla® truly unique is the patented floating cooler and mesh trash bag designed for storing empty drink containers. “You can stay out here for hours and never have to return to shore,” said weekend guests of the Floatilla®. “They’ve thought of everything.”
In other news, local retailers have seen the demand for aloe vera lotion skyrocket since the weekend. “We’re not sure what’s driving the unusual demand for this product, but we’re obviously pleased with the sales. We’ve placed additional orders to ensure we’ll have aloe on hand for future weekend visitors.”